A short time ago I I was seen as the most powerful warrior in the Danish kingdom. No one would dare stand up to me. I was looked o to provide stability within the kingdom and never did I fear that I was the chosen warrior of the Danes. Not long ago an incident that will plague my mind forever occurred. A monster by the name of Grendel began to spread fear throughout my kinsmen. He came from the clan of Cain and sought destruction of our livelihood. As the strongest warrior in the kingdom, I was looked to to take care of the situation. But this monster was unlike any that I had ever come across before. He was a monster straight from the depths of Hell itself. I found myself doubting whether or not I could defeat this horrible beast and prove myself as the greatest Danish warrior.
I was planning my assault on the beast when from across the ocean came an enormous army. It was the Geats, lead by their great warrior by the name of Beowulf. Not only did they proclaim him the greatest warrior, but he himself had the audacity and confidence to proclaim himself as the greatest warrior of our time.
Faced with the humiliation which comes from this type of blatant disrespect, I had no choice but to confront the great warrior and attempt to get him to back down. He was a mammoth of a man. Larger than any that I had ever seen. He towered over myself which is not an easy task. I confronted him on several battles in which he had participated. It was no use, he never batted an eyelash. Initially stunned by his composure I thought that I would recover, but then he brought up the fact that I had slain my own brother which effectively ended our confrontation in his favor. He was the greater warrior which he later proved.
The night that the great warrior defeated the monster Grendel, he went about getting ready for bed by taking off all of his armor. At this point I was thinking, what an idiot. No warrior even as great as this one would be able to defeat such a terrible beast without armor or weapons. But as I would later realize, Beowulf was not a normal warrior. In the night Grendel appeared and set forth destroying our kingdom as well as our people. Beowulf, pretending to sleep awoke and destroyed the monster Grendel with his bare hands. It was an amazing act and I was forced to be grateful to the great warrior.
Beowulf was then presented with many gifts from Hrothgar. He was taken in by my people and Hrothgar even made him his son. I was sort of jealous of the great warrior but I realized that he did deserve the tributes and I was honored to be in his presence.
Following the killing of Grendel, Beowulf went about killing Grendel’s mother. In order to do this he would have to dive to the depths of the lake in effect diving into Hell. This was not a task in which I was willing to risk my life but without hesitation, Beowulf accepted the challenge. I felt that I had to do something to help him so I offered him my sword. It was a sword that had never come across an opponent that it could not defeat. Beowulf accepted my gift and dove to take on Grendel’s mother.
We watched the lake as he great warrior went under. We waited a while when the lake began to create a great many waves and they were filled with the blood of Grendel’s mother. the warrior resurfaced carrying the head of Grendel which he had cut off of the monster’s body after he had killed his mother. My kinsmen were eternally grateful to the great warrior who had risked his life to protect us. Beowulf came to us and presented us with the sword that he had used to slay the monster. It was a great honor to be given such a gift. I immediately found a new respect for the warrior known as Beowulf. He was no longer the warrior who embarrassed me in front of my kinsmen but now as my friend.
"Initially stunned by his composure I thought that I would recover, but then he brought up the fact that I had slain my own brother which effectively ended our confrontation in his favor. He was the greater warrior which he later proved."
ReplyDelete"I was sort of jealous of the great warrior but I realized that he did deserve the tributes and I was honored to be in his presence."
"It was a great honor to be given such a gift. I immediately found a new respect for the warrior known as Beowulf. He was no longer the warrior who embarrassed me in front of my kinsmen but now as my friend."
I'm picking these quotes as examples. A common problem in fiction writing classes is getting students away from the habit of "telling" instead of "showing." You're working in just a couple pages here, so a certain amount of "telling" is hard to avoid - but let's think it through.
You're trying to retell everything Unferth experiences in the poem, while briefly (too briefly!) elaborating on his motives and opinions. Some of these insights are pedestrian; some are more insightful (his jealousy of the gifts, for instance).
But here's the problem. Unferth is a warrior, and a great one. He *lives* for glory, for fame, for honor, for combat. This is not someone who usually backs down from a fight - he has a long history of fighting and of winning, or he wouldn't be where he is.
When you write something like "he brought up the fact that I had slain my own brother which effectively ended our confrontation in his favor," you're simplifying things. Unferth is looking for a fight here, Beowulf says the most insulting thing possible, then Unferth backs down. Amazing. A great warrior, suddenly intimidated, almost broken, by *words*. Why? What within Unferth, or within Beowulf, makes this possible?
Rather than trying to retell everything, and not doing anything all that interesting while doing so, you might have focused more narrowly on one or two events, and really helped us figure out some aspect of Unferth's character. Your observation about his jealousy of the gifts (warriors are, after all, rewarded in proportion to their value!) would have been a great start.
I thought you did a pretty good job of retelling the events that took place in Beowulf from the character perspective of Unferth. I think you should add some quotes to show a more in depth meaning to what you are explaining about Unfeth. Another thing I would try to do is maybe just focus on two events and dig deeper into explaining Unferth's jealousy and his new outlook on Beowulf after he defeats Grendel. This seems to be a more of a generalization of Unferth and it just needs to focus on more key points and being more specific.
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