tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8785065039608350318.post4614502837739145916..comments2023-09-07T04:49:10.648-07:00Comments on Literature and the Contemporary: Revision 1: Vivian and E.M. Face off of the mindsAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8785065039608350318.post-45543749111769790612011-02-27T11:13:22.200-08:002011-02-27T11:13:22.200-08:00Your introduction is wordy and sloppy. Your thesi...Your introduction is wordy and sloppy. Your thesis statement, however, is crystal clear, and quite good. You win some, you lose some.<br /><br />I'm a little conflicted about this one, in some ways. Your research is well conceived and well used (fyi - the page numbers at the end of each citation are supposed to be for the individual article, not the whole issue). Your reference to T.S. Eliot was especially interesting, and seemed like something of a missed opportunity to me. Why?<br /><br />The answer is complicated. I think that, both through your own reading and through your research, you have a clear understanding of both the similarity between Ashford and Vivian, and the gulf that ultimately separates them. I also think you're write to attribute that gulf mainly to religion, although the earlier "thought vs. feeling" divide would be a good, related approach.<br /><br />But you don't do anything, really, to answer what to me seems like the really interesting question here: *why* does that gap exist? Does it simply have to do with different eras or different upbringings? Returning to a new version of some of the material in your first draft could have helped to answer that question, I think.<br /><br />Regardless, this is generally well written, well argued, and well researched. I do think that you stopped a little short in some ways, but it's still good work.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.com